Showing posts with label Darts Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Darts Humor. Show all posts
Monday, May 1, 2017
Darts Conspiracy: Enemy Of The Slate
Monday, May 01, 2017
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Darts Technology: The Bionic Arm Implant
Saturday, April 01, 2017
The Bionic Arm Implant for Darts Players
The Future Of Darts
The future of darts technology lives within this advanced bionic arm implant from New Darts Technologies. After one brutally painful yet highly affordable surgery, the implant is then fine tuned to the dart players stance, height, weight and throw through either a desktop application or mobile device.
The application controls the arm in order to perfect the darts path along the proper parabolic curve, at the perfect accelerated rate with 99.9% targeted accuracy.
Computer Controlled Accuracy
The arm virtually controls every element of the throw; Aiming, Backward Stroke, Acceleration, Release and Follow Through.
Additional accuracy software can be installed to perform advanced tasks such as consuming a beverage or applying the perfect fist bump when playing league events.
Visit the New Darts Technologies website for more information and a list of certified dealers and surgeons in your area.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Trump vows to make darts in America great again, Tweets challenge to congress regarding tournament play
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Donald Trump is still stirring up controversy on Twitter. Clearly unhinged after a weekend of watching the PDC World Championship from his estate in Mar-a-Lago, he began taunting congress members and challenging them to face him one on one in a best of three, 501 single start double finish match. Insiders from the Trump transition team reported under condition of anonymity that Trump tosses a solid gold set of arrows with diamond inlay grips custom made by French jewelry designer Louis-François Cartier.
Hillary Clinton spotted at darts pub near Chappaqua, blames loss of darts tournament on a bed of deplorables
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Hillary Clinton was recently spotted by tourists at the Chappaqua Tavern, located near the Clinton's $1.7 million home. Sources say she had been participating in the tavern's weekly darts event, a blind draw tournament offering prizes for the top three winners. Clinton appeared to be at a loss for words, and was overheard by several other patrons making excuses for her poor performance during the event. The tournament director, who has requested anonymity, claims that Clinton was distracted throughout the event by no more than three mobile devices.
"It's hard to focus on your game when you have your phones going off every turn" ~ Darts Tournament Director, Chappaqua Tavern.
Your Darts Team Is Like A Bed of DeploraBulls
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Your darts team may as well be a bed of deplorables. Winning so much, you're tired of winning. 2016 ended with one hell of an election season to put behind us, and a ton of uncertainty ahead of us. But either way you look at it, 2017 is almost here and it's time to laugh, live and play darts! Grab yourself by the... keyboard and head over to get your DeploraBulls darts shirt now!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Sex, Darts, Rock N' Roll
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Sex and darts and rock and rollIs all my brain and body need
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Are very good indeed
Keep your silly ways or throw them out the window
The wisdom of your ways, I've been there and I know
Lots of other ways, what a jolly bad show
If all you ever do is business you don't like
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Is very good indeed
Every awesome dart shirt ought to make you pretty
You can wear a plain shirt, grey is such a pity
I should wear the dart shirt of Mista Double Smitty
See my Taylor, he's called The Power, I know it's going to fit
Here's a little piece of advice
You're quite welcome it is free
Don't do nothing that is cut price
You know what that'll make you be
They will try their tricky device
Trap you with the ordinary
Get your teeth into a small slice
The cake of liberty
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex and darts and rock and roll
Sex, darts, rock, roll
Sex, darts, rock, roll
Saturday, February 11, 2012
The Search For Cheap Dart Flights
Saturday, February 11, 2012
A funny thing happened to Smartass Darters Society member Hugh Jass last week. He was searching the Internet late one evening when his wife suddenly appeared asking him:What are you doing?.
I'm looking for cheap flights he replied.
Her eyes suddenly had a glow in them he hadn't seen since their honeymoon, and he found himself quickly swept away to their bedroom where she gave him the surprise of the best sex he'd ever had with her. As the naked pretzel came to an end he laid back and lit up a cigarette, and stared at the ceiling with a puzzled look on his face.
His wife then asked: You look surprised dear, what's on your mind?
He replied: I had no idea you were that into darts...
Friday, February 10, 2012
A Nod To The Crafty Cockney
Friday, February 10, 2012
We recently welcomed in a new member of the Smartass Darters Society. Pete Crafty Kinsler joined the D League team Sloshed In Translation to fill in for Doug Graves, who recently left his job at the cemetery for a night shift gig at Digger's Doughnuts.Pete is indeed a crafty individual, but when it comes to throwing darts he's certainly a far cray from Eric Bristow. Naturally he shows up for league in the proper attire, his dart shirt coins the phrase Crafty? Yes! Cockney? Not so much... and tells his story in short order.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Don't Mess With Anastasia!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Anastasia Dobromyslova - two time Women's World Champion of the British Darts Organization - recently returned to the BDO after a brief absence to play in the PDC. Upon her return she defeated nine time world champion Trina Gulliver to reclaim the BDO Women's World Champion title, her first being in 2008.
Plenty of darts drama came during and after the event. Tournament bosses told her just 30 minutes before her semi-final that she couldn't use her flights. Our suggested response would have been "I can beat Trina, you, and your Mama without flights Smartass". And the BDO website report called her things like a "snarling Russian", and "arrogant", and claimed she "played mind games to topple the Golden Girl".
Here at the Smartass Darters Society we thought we'd do an investigation of these issues.
Snarling Russian
Arrogant
Playing Mind Games
Read the The Scottish Sun article for Anastasia's comments and a serious report.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Lady GaGa Taking Up Darts?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Lady GaGa has taken up darts, and The Sun is there. Looks like she's been hanging at the pub with her significant other on league night, and according to the article she's winning matches.We have to wonder, should we invite her to our next Smartass Open Tournament and ask her to wear the meat outfit? We've got plenty of marinade and seasonings and there's nothing like a good grillin' to go along with an all day dart tourney.
We asked around the Smartass Darts Pub about how players would react if she were to show up at the oche. Answers ranged from Poke her face to Ladies or Mens bracket?
All smartass aside, we wish her the best of luck and good darts. After all, this is the game that begins and ends with a handshake. However we're not so sure Phil Taylor would agree with the photochop skills they applied in the article. If The Power has seen it, we're pretty sure he'd look like this:
